Lessons on Serenity

My sweet friend, Lenda, has a saying: "I never learned anything profound on vacation."

I'm always brought up short by the vast truth in this statement. I should have known then that I wasn't going to learn to be serene in an already peaceful place. Oh no. The reason Serenity has its own prayer is because you need it.

The start of this year has me beat down and heavy laden. It began with a gas leak in the fuel track of Ruthie the (not so) Wonder Van. First it was under recall. Then it was already fixed. Then it hadn't been fixed. Then it was maybe it had been already fixed, but nobody knew. Then it was yes it definitely had even though we'd told you it wasn't and since you can't remember the exact date, time, and name of all the people that told you this too bad so sad pay for it yourself. Then it was oh that guy left. Then after a solid month of having one vehicle and becoming cab driver mom carting the mister and small fry all over the city it was "It's under warranty." Dude, I didn't even care at this point. I was just so happy that we didn't have to pay $400 on a van that is on its last leg.

In the meantime, the kitchen faucet went belly up and refused to push any water out of the spout. This fell at a time when we were tapped. I'm mean beyond broke seeing as it was the week after Christmas and just had to buy a new battery for the defunct van. For a whole week, I carted dishes back and forth to the bathtub and did dishes there. But then we went on a mini date night to Menard's and Home Depot finding an awesome faucet on the clearance rack for $40! SCORE! It's awesome. The water pressure is amazing. It's black. Our sink is stainless. I don't care. It adds to our quirky, wack-a-doodle house. But it couldn't stop there. Oh no.

The dryer went on strike refusing to heat. Cancel two hair appointments seeing as my cape and all shop towels are in said dryer. Cold. And Wet. Good News? It was a fuse. That we didn't even have to pay for :)

At Christmas, I kept burning everything. I thought it was because I cheated and bought pie crust. Turns out it was because the knob to the oven was stripped out and I couldn't control the heat setting. I couldn't turn it off either. So a new stove it is. Except that due to Big Man's position at work, he is in constant contact with a man who runs a used appliance store. We went down there and I picked out a Maytag gas range that was self-cleaning with A CONVECTION OVEN!! Payment? Just the trade in on our old range since B sends him so much business. Whaaa?

We can't stop there, folks. The faucet in the bath tub pulled a full out Vietnam protester act and simply refused to revert the water from the nozzle up into the shower. The little do-hickey (that's the technical term) that reroutes it broke. Now, we have an 84- year old Arts and Crafts style house that I adore. And with that Arts and Crafts style house came a claw foot bath tub that I THOUGHT I would adore. I don't. In fact, I hate it and completely understand why they are ripped out of every house that has them. You can't just pop down to Lowe's and pick up a $30 faucet kit and it's as good as new. Oh no. You have to buy specialty parts. $80 specialty parts. Not cute $80 specialty parts. But it was an easy fix and my husband is quite handy :)

Two days later, the screw holding the curtain rod into the ceiling over our claw foot tub rusted through and fell on down...while I was in the shower. It is now duct taped. I don't care if it ever gets fixed as I really just want a different tub.

Harder even still was a week ago last Sunday. Brandon's 91-year-old grandmother had a stroke. She was moved to hospice last Wednesday. It's just a matter of time now.

It's been one hit after another since our week of rest at the end of last year. I should've known. Serenity is not found nor practiced when the road is easy. Makes me wonder what the rest of the year will be like. But here is what I've discovered as I type out the horrors of the past four weeks: We were provided for. The stress is great. I'm not going to gloss it over. It's starting to take it's toll. We are snappy and unkind. Over-tired and beyond weary. Our love is still strong, but our communication is shotty. And I need to sit at the blog and write more as it nurtures and helps balm my sore spots.

I feel amazed though as I write this down. We only had to spend $230 ($90 for the battery, $40 for the sink, and $80 for the bath) when so many things went kaput. In that period, Brandon also painted our living room and my mom gifted us beautiful curtains I found at Penney's. My table has a lovely vase full of flowers from Brandon's bosses telling us they are praying for his grandmother. I am glad I sat down here today to whine and complain because in doing so God reminded me of his provision.

Kisses to your faces,

Rach

Ramblings

School is done is a little over 2 weeks. Sooo not soon enough :-/

Life is an odd pace right now. A year of nights and the girls are really stepping up their game of Let's Hose the New Step-Poppa. Simple rules that have always been the standard are met with defiance. The amount of creativity that goes into getting out of chores is absolutely incredible. If they would harness it into just half of what they are currently using in failed escape plots said chores could be done three times over. It's frustrating and causing some tension. Love it while you can, kids. In a couple weeks there's a new sheriff in town. Momma's back home at night.

Somewhere in the past couple of months, meat has started to lose it's appeal. It's not that I don't enjoy a good steak and I will never give up fish. It's not an animal thing. No mantras of "Nothing With a Face" will erupt from my lips. It's the hormones and chemicals and the conditions that effect the healthiness of the meat we eat. Currently, our deep freezer is in the garage at my dad's house. Without that we can't buy local cows or pigs and have them processed. Free-Range Chickens are almost impossible to find already killed and plucked. Buying grass fed meat is crazy expensive. So I've started cutting it out in an attempt to limit the toxins from my body. What I've found is that I don't miss it like I thought I would. I feel better than I've felt in years. My body is functioning on a level that I don't recall it doing since I was a teenager. I'm still tired from 50 hour weeks at the salon and my knees are increasingly trying to become arthritic (getting older SUCKS....physically), but I feel good. I feel fuller, yet I'm eating less. My stomach which has long been my problem area is shrinking faster than my butt! Whaaaaa???? I've NEVER had that happen. The part I'm liking best is the freedom I'm feeling in this type of diet. I eat meat if I want to eat meat. I just don't have as much of a taste for it, so I'm looking for more interesting... more fun things to eat. I was talking to Emma about how I was thinking about this around New Year's. She responded that it was kinda funny because she'd been thinking about it too! Emma has been stricter with her new found vegetarianism than I am...She's already lost TWO pant sizes!!!

I've started making my own face wash. I'm not some uber-crunchy granola. I just like using natural things to clean my home and nourish my body. The oil mixture makes my skin a wee bit dry so I think I need to add more olive oil or vitamin E and go easy on the Castor.

I was reading voraciously, but school seems to take up so much time. However, I'm reading Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. I love love love Oskar. But I feel that the character is too young in age for how it is written and too old at the same time. Which I guess is how it feels to be too young and too old as well.

Organized Simplicity by Tsh Oxenreider (I'm not posting links as this is written today to purge my thoughts and share this anyone who happens to be listening all that has occupied me as of late. Google works wonders.) has transfixed me in the first chapter. I can't move on until Brandon and I manage to sit down and hash out a Purpose Statement that I can type out and print up in scrawling print on beautiful paper to motivate and remind our family that loving each other and the least of these is what Clan Maxwell is ALL about.

Purposeful living is worth the struggle of the change. I wrestle with the want of 'stuff' as much as any other American. I'm a clothes whore and have been trying to buy more second hand and find new ways to reuse old items. To not base my worth and value on what's on my back and feet. But I do so love all things hair and make-up and fashion. It's a part of who I am. It's also what I do. I just don't want it to define me. Which in the past I have allowed.

New Year's Resolutions are going well. Being present is an awesome experience. You connect so much more with the those put in your sphere. Choosing Gratitude as my word for 2012 has changed me tremendously in only 27 days. Even if I'm not typing up a new post every single day on The Gratitude Project Blog, it is not being eclipsed by the daily grind. If anything, it has brought me closer to a more tenderized heart.

I'm still not making the time for my devotions that I was craving. I keep trying to set up a plan of some sort to get through my sort of secret resolution to get all the way through the Bible this year...but I got bored with Job....again. Truthfully, I'm choosing to go through vegetarian cookbooks and play Castleville than get into the Word. Yes, Castleville. Because we are THAT family. You know the one. Overly competitive with each other. OK so maybe it's just Brandon and I, but the race is on to get the most Castle points. I am shameless in this. I'm having a wonderful time saying things like: "You have a BLACKSMITH'S SHOP!!! I don't have a Blacksmith's shop!! But I have a tailor *smug smile*"

HC (House Church) starts tonight. For now it is just me, B, and NiNiblended family. Just a family.

I'd like to go on retreat. By myself. A hotel somewhere for a weekend. Just to draw closer to God. Jill did this last winter. It had never occurred to me until then that you could go solo on a trip that wasn't guided by someone else and it still be a retreat. It didn't occur to me to take one until about a month ago. I'd like to go on a small trip for the second anniversary of our first date...our own sort of Rededication of Our Relationship to the Lord Getaway...but we have an actual marriage retreat 2 weeks later, so I guess that'll have to work...even though we don't get to share a room. I don't like that. It feel unnatural to sleep away from him.

I have to cut myself off now. It's been ages and ages since I've sat down to write. Oh, how I've missed it so. I'd just keep regurgitating information and thoughts and feelings, but the kids need picked up in about an hour and I'd like to watch Once Upon A Time while looking through a cookbook :)

Kisses to your faces, Babies!!

Rach

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

There's a scene in The Neverending Story where Atreyu is having the 3 gates that he must pass through in order to get to the Southern Oracle. Gate 2 is a mirror. Falcor (eternal optimist Luck Dragon) is very Eh about it which prompts Engywook (the gnomish expert on the Southern Oracle) to become irritated and say to him the lines that keep looping through my head:

Engywook: Next is the Magic Mirror Gate. Atreyu has to face his true self.
Falcor: So what? That won't be too hard for him.
Engywook: Oh, that's what everyone thinks! But kind people find out that they are cruel. Brave men discover that they are really cowards! Confronted by their true selves, most men run away screaming!
I think marriage is life this mirror. There are things you thought for certain you just KNEW about yourself. Then suddenly you find yourself face to face with reactions you did not foresee being apart of your heart.

I think this may be doubly true for B and me since we're middle-aged when we are starting out. He's never been married and has 35 years of his own way under his belt. I have been a single parent for TEN YEARS!!! i.e. I raise my kids and keep my house MY way ....

B has always maintained that marriage is a mirror. Which is probably why these lines keep cropping up in my reveries. Mirrors show you that is not what you think. How often do we justify our actions? All the time. We constantly shift blame to say if so and so hadn't done this or that I wouldn't have had to say such and such. Justifying our own selfish behavior, but when we stare into a mirror and see that there is really self-serving ugliness behind it we can't hide....or at least it's not as easy. Marriage is perpetually dying to your own desires to serve another...another that is really our self as God joined us into One.

Right now, I feel like the people Engywook describes. I'm not as kind as I thought I was. I'm not gracious as I pretend to be. And I'm even harder on those I love than I realized.

My marriage is a mirror. One that shows me the hard things as well as the lovely ones so as not to leave me stuck in the mire of my fleshliness.  

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...Thank you for loving me through it all.