Year End Review

The last six months have been stressful. Who am I kidding? This has been a hard year here. The first year of marriage is difficult. I don't care what anyone says. Two people trying to maneuver how to live in the same space merging two different styles of life. Then factor in 3 more people on top of it. 2 of which are teenagers.  We were a well oiled machine. For ten years, we'd been doing things a certain way. Enter Big Man with a different pace and philosophy and all of us looking at him as if he were mad because he didn't just instinctively know he was doing everything all wrong. Trust me, teenagers think they have the right to express EVERY THING they think. There is noooooo filter whatsoever. Balancing that with school closings and building a new one (which essentially is a lot like blending a family). New jobs. No jobs. Attempting to put a salon in your house because that works better for the new school which demands a lot of time. Re-balancing your budget to squeeze out tuition. Car repairs. Health issues. Re-balancing budget to account for food needs for health issues. House issues. Communication issues. Lily moving home. Lily moving back to her dad's. Impending deployment. One brother in Afghanistan. One brother leaving for Afghanistan. Election. New Friends. Old Friends. Family Politics. Materialism. Consumerism. New church. New dog. Holidays. *phew*  Reading back over all that it's no wonder we've been in a state of mania. That's a lot period, but that's definitely a lot for one year. 

This is so much of why I stopped writing. I just couldn't balance one more thing on my plate. I was so full I was already regurgitating things back up. It sucks because in so many ways this helps me to process what's in my head. I started this blog during my Maybe Cancer scare almost 4 years ago. It was a way to take my desire to publish and put it in my own hands. Even if it was 'just a blog', it was my words on a screen for other people to read. I erased the majority of those years when I met Big Man. I didn't want to have a place that I didn't want him to read, but I didn't want him to read my history. I wanted to tell him the things that had happened to me at the time I was ready to share it. I'm not ready to stop writing. It doesn't define me like it use to. But then nothing that use to define me does anymore. Except the momma bit. That's jumped into the forefront even more so. Mainly because I finally get to be the momma I'd longed to be. The Stay-at-Home Momma. Even hair doesn't appeal to me like it use to. It's nice to have a trade and I'm considering going into a salon to offset tuition and we need a new van, but really I'm just content to keep my house running for my loves and cook and make concoctions and find natural ways of doing things. 

I'm not ready to give up my space. My writing place. Even if only for me. Except all writers write with the intent of having another read their words. I guess we'll see. Maybe this year will be slower and year two will be settled in. Maybe I can a recipe or two. List a place to order my salves and balms. A couple of hair how-tos for curly girls. Stories. Memories. The areas God is tenderizing in my heart. Book Reviews. My day to day. There it is. My few minutes at the computer in a quiet house. 

Kisses to Your Face~

Rach